Dying Art Media may choose the written word as it’s core aim. But a close second it’s the pursuit of the perfect caffeine hit, namely coffee.
This one is a bit special, as it’s the first official coffee review here at Dying Art Media. We hoped the drink would match the occasion, but you can see for yourselves if it did or not.
Usually, that means choosing between the bean and the bull. But what happens when the king of energy drinks decides to play barista?
We’re diving into the Red Bull Cold Brew Coffee flavour to see if it’s a morning essential or a laboratory experiment gone rogue.
If you want the cliff notes, you can skip to the bottom to see our rating.
Fragrance
The moment you crack the tab, your nostrils are hit with an unmistakable aroma.
It isn’t the smell of a fresh medium roast or a cozy cafe; it’s more akin to coffee-scented stationery or those “coffee bean” candles you find in the discount aisle. Which sounds a bit harsh, but this is a chemical-driven flavour and it’s obvious from the get-go.
Intense, punchy, and it immediately signals that you aren’t getting your usual Americano today. That’s not a bad thing in itself. Hell, you want it to stand out and set it apart from a normal coffee or Red Bull.
The Taste
If you’re looking for the bitter, complex notes of a genuine cold brew, keep walking. We can comment on the flavour profile or the mouthfeel in any meaningful way here.
This is unapologetically sweet. Red Bull has taken their signature syrupy base and cranked it up to accommodate the coffee profile.
- The Flavour: It is very much a coffee flavour, but in the same way a marshmallow is a strawberry flavour.
- The Reality Check: Here’s the kicker. Despite the name and the aggressive flavouring, there doesn’t seem to be any actual coffee in the ingredients list. It’s a chemical masterclass in mimicry.
- The Mouthfeel: It feels thin and highly carbonated, which creates a strange cognitive dissonance when your brain is expecting the silky texture of a real cold brew. It feels almost too artificial?
Chugging a couple of cans of this for a review, it quickly became a bit of a chore, truth be told. The coffee-adjacent flavour is an acquired taste, for sure. We didn’t acquire it in time.
The Kick
Red Bull doesn’t mess around with the energy blend, even if they’re playing dress-up with the flavour. You’re getting the standard functional benefits:
- Caffeine Content: Typically 80mg per 250ml can (standard for Red Bull).
- The Mix: Includes the usual suspects—Taurine, B-Vitamins, and a mountain of sugars (unless you opt for the Sugar-Free version, which carries its own chemical aftertaste).
If you’re picking-up a Red Bull, this is what you’re looking for, right? Nothing to complain about here.
Overall
The Red Bull Cold Brew Coffee flavour is an odd beast. It’s for the person who loves the idea of coffee but doesn’t actually like the taste of a coffee bean. It’s a sugary, fizzy, synthetic tribute to caffeine’s older brother.
We love coffee, we love energy drinks of all kinds. But this isn’t the one. It’s a shame, but it makes sense that it’s an import. This likely isn’t the target market. It does the job as a caffeine hit, but you’ll be better off getting a coffee, or an energy drink. Not this Resident-Evil T-Virus experiment in a can.
Certainly, there are better attempts at the hybrid (Monster do some ok versions). But the combination just never seems to truly work.
One day, perhaps. But not today.
